I found myself in a conversation where people were talking about marriage, more specifically, their lack of marital status. For me, this is one of those uncomfortable subjects that I often try to avoid because there are always social pressures for saying certain things even if the people you're talking to are open-minded.
In this particular conversation, one girl is afraid that she will never find someone. The other, who does have a boyfriend, is afraid of commitment. I think they've let the environment get to them--there's a sizeable number of married graduate students and interacting with married couples is certainly different than interacting with single people. You feel like the unwanted third wheel.
Granted, these girls have other pressures that I don't (their parents got married in their late teens-early twenties and their younger siblings are getting married in a couple of months) but I also wonder if it isn't also the desire to fit in. People might not say so or even try to deny the fact, but if you have a significant other or are even trying to find a significant other, you're ever so slightly more accepted.
I don't know the reason for this. Maybe couples find it too hard to relate to people who would rather do their own thing and instead of trying a little bit harder to understand, give up altogether. Some might not agree with me, but it's exactly like people who have kids vs. people who don't. It's a lifestyle differential. It's one of those one-way street things in which you can't go back unless you turn off into one of those little used side streets that loop around and wastes ten to fifteen minutes of your time.
I guess the thing that bothers me the most are the questions which go along the line of "Can you picture yourself being married?" in which I always answer first with the word If... People inevitably respond, "Oh, you will find someone." It's the word "will" that grates--because it assumes that this is something that I expect out of life. It assumes that life has a "natural" progression in which getting married is one of those steps.
But you can't change how people think about these things. I'll just have to put up with the fact that I will always feel like the stupid kid at the adult's table.
