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Sunday, November 30, 2003 Unconscious Mutterings
[posted by S. Y. Affolee on 5:31 AM : Saturday, November 29, 2003 Another Link Dump - Part III (There are plenty of interesting links out there, but after a while, you don't visit them as frequently. And then you simply stop because you've changed and lost interest and have moved on to something else.) Digitally Imported. Contains several very good electronica radio streams. Do-It-Yourself Numerology. Some hokey waste-your-time stuff originally stashed from Metafilter. Exactitudes. Everyone dresses alike, consciously or unconsciously. Polaroid Photography. A project about photos within photos. Fatboy Slim - Weapon of Choice Video. This is one of the funniest music videos just because Christopher Walken is flying around in this one. Hereinmyhead. A Tori Amos fan site. Complete Diagram of Strange Persons. Someone must of had a lot of time on his hands trying to figure out the relationships between of all this weirdness. Dante's Inferno Test. I think everyone has taken it some time or another. I don't remember what I got except it said something about being a non-believer or something. Discover Your Inner Dragon. Another crazy quiz. I seem to remember getting this one from Chad. My result was blue. Past Life Analysis. This one said I was born in South Africa in the tenth century. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 5:00 PM : Another Link Dump - Part II (Man, there are a lot of dead blogs in my bookmarks. Either people got tired with blogging--or as the majority of them decided to do--reproduce instead of write. Although one wonders how they can't manage to get at least ten minutes of blogging time per week just to say that they're alive despite the rowdy kids.) Why I Hate Personal Weblogs. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Why Web Journals Suck. I guess the "too much of a good thing" is getting to some people. Crazy Uncle Joe. I used to read it back in the day it was called "Metacubed". 1greeneye.net. A blog specializing in graphics and wallpapers and templates and such. FontBitch, Defined. "A person who places his or her own font preferences before those of his or her own readers." The New York City Anti-Hipster Forum. "A blog dedicated to all the absurd and annoying things New York City hipsters do, say, wear, and probably, think." [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:25 PM : Another Link Dump - Part I (i.e. lots of links that are old or maybe repeated but I still want to keep them somewhere even if I don't want them on my vast mess of bookmarks) Google nejwl' Qatlh. Search Google in Klingon. I have no idea why it's on my list of search engines because I don't know any Klingon and don't plan to learn it in any lifetime. An Experiment on Blogs. I think I mentioned this guy who was doing a thesis on diary-style blogs before. Blogger Weblogs: Tweaks for Non-Geeks. I think I mentioned this one before. I don't see myself using any of these tips any time soon, but maybe you will. Citizen Bloggers in New Hampshire? People are always talking about giving everyone in New Hampshire blogs so the state will be well covered, politically speaking. So far, nobody has done anything except blab about how such a great idea it is. I Married an A-Lister! Some great photoshopped pulp covers. Very funny. Diarist.net Awards. I have no idea why this is on my list of links either. I don't read other people's online diaries and I generally oppose anything of this sort because it always degenerates into a popularity contest. Name That Blog! Some sort of silly meme-ish game. Rather pointless if you've never read any of the blogs participating. A Blogger's Disclaimer. I also find disclaimers pointless. People you don't want reading your stuff will definitely be reading it if you put it online. Weblog Madness. A whole list of weblog resources. Last updated in 2002 (that's why I'm trashing it from my bookmarks). [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 2:05 PM : Linkage: Astronomiae instauratae mechanica. The Smithsonian has put up Tycho Brahe's showcase of astronomical instruments. 1,000 Times Too Many Humans? We already know there are too many people living on this planet. But how are we to change something that has been hardwired--such as reproduction? Mr. Picassohead. Be your own cubist. Map of Blogosphere. Or to be more accurate, a map of the political blogosphere. But who are we kidding? The only type of blog people know about are political blogs. If I were to be placed on a map, I'd be a small puffin colony in the Falkland Islands. And you know how often people pay attention to puffins. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 10:18 AM : Science and Individuality Back in the old days (and by old, I mean the 1600s and 1700s) science was done mostly by the nobility. Exactly how many Sirs and Lords do you hear during a course of science history? A lot. Perhaps the large outgrowth in science during that time was a result of a bunch of rich men with nothing else to do. Or maybe they were the only ones with the resources to pursue their hobby. But one thing's certain--the peasants didn't dabble in astronomy and physics and biology. They were too busy trying to make a living. These days, scientific knowledge has certainly filtered down to the masses. Most people know that the earth resembles a sphere rather than a pancake. People know that we all come from gametes from each parent and not from some will of a divine being or spontaneous generation or even tiny homunculuses curled up at the head of a sperm. But are most of us enlightened and curious? I would argue that for the average person, no. Today, science is a matter of fact and "common sense". It's something to be taken for granted. It is no longer a hobby for people with too much free time on their hands. Science has become a job. People no longer ooh and aah when scientists tease apart some unknown mechanism of nature. People expect the pharmaceutical industry to churn out the miracle drug to cure all ills. People no longer thank the doctor when he cures a patient; they file lawsuits when the patient can't be cured. The general public thinks that simply throwing money at cancer or AIDS research and making smart people work on the problem will cure the diseases as a matter of course. Everything is expected just as a new car is churned out of a factory or the garbage man arriving every Thursday to pick up the trash. Two paths are beginning to emerge--but will one subsume the other? One path probably started all the way back to the discovery of the structure of DNA and the amino acid code for proteins. Back to the mid to late twentieth century, a graduate student could base his entire thesis on just sequencing a gene. Now, entire genomes can be sequenced in a day, and genomics, proteomics, and bioinformatics have become hot subjects. The second path is that of the individual and the idea--only these once central tenants of science are slowly weakening under the industrialization of nature. Collaboration is of course and more grants are coming out encouraging people to work together to think about the same problem at the same time and at the same place. Collaboration is far from bad, but one has to take care not to be swept away by the enticing potentials of bioinformatics and information retrieval which can eventually be mechanized and become as routine as turning on the computer to check e-mail. Can the brains of scientists be bottled in a tonic? Will the scientist become as common place and as boring as an accountant? What can't be mechanized is thought and ideas and originality. Science is the bridge between creativity and the purely automatic. If we cut out the ideas in favor for the information--we will no longer wonder how anything works. We will only look at arrays, punch buttons, enter variables in some program. One side needs the other and vice versa. And it will be a sad thing if the every day person comes to think of doing science as easy as swiping a card in a machine. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 8:22 AM : Friday, November 28, 2003 More Phone Laments Not only do I have to contend with the phone ringing all the time and having the call not being for me but also having people wanting to call during the rare times that I am on the phone. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 6:57 PM : My Thanksgiving was remarkably composed considering I got dragged to a frat house for dinner. I knew few people there, but I did make an apple pie from scratch for them so I didn't feel bad about consuming their food. At least now I can say I've been inside a frat house and I'm surprised how clean they kept it. Even when I used to go to geek central (not Greek central, mind you!), people were a lot crazier. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 7:42 AM : Thursday, November 27, 2003 Thursday Threesome: Happy Thanksgiving 2003! Onesome. Happy. When you think about being happy, what comes to mind? Is there something that always gives you a smile no matter how down you may be? I talked about happiness in a previous post: So what do I think is happiness? A previous Thursday Threesome also inquired about happiness. Here's the question and response: John F. Kennedy defined happiness as "The full use of your powers along lines of excellence." What is your definition of happiness? Have you attained it? Twosome. Thanksgiving. In the US, it's Thanksgiving. But we can all be thankful. Tell us, what are YOU thankful for? I'm thankful for everything. (I think that should cover it.) Threesome. 2003. It's getting close to the end of another year. As you begin to reflect back, pick out a couple of good things that have happened this year. Yeah, we all have the bad, but today, just focus on the good! I think the best way to do this is to post links to previous blog entries: Golden Ticket Fever Random Adventure [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 7:05 AM : Links for the Holidays: Invasion of the Bodysnatchers. Do not read this if you're going to be having that big turkey dinner any time soon. It might make you lose your appetite. (On the other hand, if you're trying to lose weight, it might be a good idea...) De Humani Corporis Fabrica. Andreas Vesalius' anatomical atlas is currently being translated into English. Some of it is already up as well as scans of the woodcuts. Epact: Scientific Instruments of Medieval and Renaissance Europe. This site totally makes me drool. So far it's the only place I've seen that has the largest collection of astrolabes. Vegetal and mineral memory: The future of books. One of my favorite authors, Umberto Eco, makes the case that books aren't going to disappear any time soon despite the onslaught of the digital era. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 6:18 AM : Wednesday, November 26, 2003 Irritants "So what do you do in your spare time?" - I hate this question, especially when it's unsolicited. I don't want to tell anyone what I do in my spare time. It's none of their business. Of course, I can't really say that, some people are just way too social and they'll think it's plain rude to not say. So I talk about an activity that I would like to do instead, but I say it in a way that it sounds like this is actually what I do in my spare time. Are other people more open about their lives? I only want to still keep part of myself private. I also don't like people making fun of me because of my clothing. It's one thing if it's a tactless second-grader, but since it's some tactless middle-aged lady with a perchant for designer fashion, I'd whap her on the side of the head if it weren't for societal taboos on punching old ladies. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 9:07 AM : Tuesday, November 25, 2003 I may complain and moan and threaten to do various things, but I have never thought about quitting Nano when I have started. Here are some "tips" that I have figured out myself. This will by no means work for everyone; most people have temperaments that are very different from my own and will probably think my advice is stupid. * Plan ahead. If I don't plan ahead--which goes for most things--I tend to wait until the last minute to do things. Being unprepared doesn't work for writing an entire novel, especially if you're typically more staid than spontaneous. If you know about Nano ahead of time, start thinking of ideas and keep them in a notebook. Do research, world building, and outlining as necessary. * Set aside time. Maybe you can write during the morning or during your lunch break or right before bed. The important thing is to make some time which you can sit down, get your thoughts in order, and just write. Try not to waste your time doing something unnecessary. This year, my schedule was basically: wake up, go to lab, come back home to write on average 1000 words, and go to sleep. On weekends, I scrapped anything that might have been fun and either went to lab or binge wrote. * Write something. On the days that you plan to write, write something, anything. If you can't force anything other than one word, don't beat yourself over it--the next day will be better. I had originally planned to not write during my birthday, but I wrote anyway because I was feeling better than the previous day which I had only eked out one sentence. * Reverse psychology. Believe it or not, I found the "I Hate Myself and Want to Die" forum on the Nano site one of the few lounges I read with any frequency. It's all about purging all these negative feelings and doubts and once all of that is gone, you can sit down with a fresh mind and write. All the smugness and self-congratulatory tone of the "This is Working Far Better Than I Had Hoped" forum completely backfired on me. * Competition. Idealistically, one should always write for oneself first and foremost. But it also helps to have a little competition. I didn't find an "enemy" to do Nano with (it's very hard to gauge the pacing and dedication of a stranger) but I did often compare my word count with others in my state. Well, that's basically what I did this year. Oh, and don't forget the many, many cans of Mountain Dew. (Another note: I got a Nano sticker in the mail today. I was expecting four instead of one since I donated, but whatever. Maybe I'm feeling too nice today.) [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 6:15 PM : Halalapalooza. (via Blogsisters) Whoa! If this was truly how the blogosphere worked, well, who knows what I'll do. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 5:49 AM : General Contentment Masks Gender Gap in First AAAS Salary and Job Survey. (via Raymond at Tiger Cafe) Although most scientists surveyed said they had more control over their lives than others who make more money since they get to pursue what is intellectually interesting, there are some figures that mirror a more conventional work force. Women are paid less than men and accordingly feel less satisfied with their jobs. Then again, the demographics being surveyed is also a key factor. Most people who responded to the survey were white, middle-aged, and male. I am in none of those categories and neither are most of my peers. So hopefully when people in my generation are middle-aged and established and the "old-school" network is effectively retired, there will be a more equalized distribution in all areas. What I found interesting was this paragraph near the end of the article: Most women scientists say their careers have been constrained to some extent by their spouses, and 27% report being restricted "a lot." [...] Only 7% of male scientists felt their spouse's career needs had seriously affected their own. Partly as a result of this, more women than men report having part-time jobs. What's more, women biologists are less likely than their male counterparts to be married (72% versus 88%) and more likely to be separated, divorced, or widowed (13% vs. 6%) or never married (15% vs. 6%). I'm not sure what to think about these less than great probabilities for having a successful personal life on top of a career. Should I despair? Should I hold out some hope? At this point in my life, I'd rather join the circus than to throw away my dreams in order to follow someone else. Then again, I've never been in love, so what do I know? I guess the more pertinent question is what is more important: love or personal satisfaction? I know too little to answer that one. Other Stuff: The Uncanny Valley. Maybe that's why I hated dolls as a kid. The Victorian Internet. What the internet might have looked like if it had been invented during the Victorian Era. How do I maintain and clean a LCD screen? Don't let it get too dusty! [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 5:26 AM : Monday, November 24, 2003 If you want to read all of The Reflecting Eye on one file you can download it here (rtf, 374 kb). This is also located on the novel page itself. I could have just put it in plain text, but what the heck, the file wasn't much smaller. Cell phone freaks are always standing around the outside of buildings, hunch-backed as they dial their phone numbers and absolutely oblivious as they chatter into the air. These sessions for calls are the new smoke break. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 2:44 PM : Sunday, November 23, 2003 Ugh. I have finally finished writing the novel for Nanowrimo. At 57,181 words. This is more (and earlier) than what I did the previous two years. Not that anyone cares. Most people are just like this one man who asked me what one of my short stories was about and then cut me off before I could even say one word of explanation. If you are brave enough to read a first, rough draft, here's The Reflecting Eye. (And for those of you who want to know what the plot is before reading it, or want to know about the plot without reading it: It's basically about a woman who moves to a new city where strange things happen. It's like a cross between urban fantasy and Lovecraftian horror except it's less on the fantasy--actually no fantasy if you want to get technical--and horror bit and more on the character development.) [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 8:35 PM : Arg!!!! Stupid phone calls that are never for me, go away! [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 8:29 AM : Binge writing in progress. Do not disturb the cranky writer. Unconscious Mutterings
[posted by S. Y. Affolee on 6:43 AM : Friday, November 21, 2003 Funny how someone searched for that interpretive protein synthesis dance movie made by Stanford today. That same exact movie is being shown tonight, in fact. The showing is at 5:30 pm at Gilman 101. There will be beer to make the viewing even more enjoyable. Oh, and this is at Dartmouth. So, um, sorry to all those people from other institutions. And in other news, today was also the first time I went to a Japanese restaurant. I liked how the chef piled onion rings into a mountain, dunked oil on it and set on fire. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 12:26 PM : Thursday, November 20, 2003 Another Thought How come some people give presentations as if they're robots reciting a medical handbook? I went to the new cancer center to talk with an investigator there about my project and possibly starting a new avenue of query which would involve some technical collaboration. At any rate, this was the first time I've visited the new space and I am impressed. Even somewhat jealous. For instance, on one floor once you get out of the elevator, the foyer opens up into an airy communal space of glass and wood. There's also another glassed-in lunch room where there is a hole in the floor and ceiling for a spiral staircase to extend from the first to the eighth floor. On a floor, lab space sandwiches a common corridor which holds the larger, shared equipment. There are no individual rooms for labs, rather each PI (primary investigator) has control of several benches. In this arrangement, people from different labs can freely co-mingle. And in the labs, a wall is practically all windows. You can see the surrounding countryside (and one wonders how you can get any work done with that view as distraction). I have to work in the basement of the medical school. But that's okay. I don't have to share my lab bench with anyone and everyone has pretty much accepted that I live in the cell culture room now. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 3:15 PM : A Thought Why do people with a "background" in psychology feel like they're more qualified to be writers? The Thursday Threesome: Holiday Sweets Recipe Exchange Onesome: Holiday Sweets-- What is your favorite holiday sweet? You know, the one you only really can get your hands on once a year? I don't have a favorite one. Twosome: Recipe-- ...and can you get the recipe for it? ...or is this one of those closely guarded family secrets handed down mother to daughter. ...and hey? What about us guys? How are we ever supposed to figure out how to do this stuff? ...or should we even try And since I don't have a favorite one, I don't have a recipe for it either. Personally, I don't like recipes. Especially the ones calling for exotic ingredients and implements that I will never use otherwise. Threesome: Exchange-- But if you do have that recipe and you can bear to share, why not stop over at the exchange and drop it off? Barring that: do you routinely exchange sweets at holiday time? Yeah? What kinds? Sorry, I don't exchange sweets. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 5:13 AM : Wednesday, November 19, 2003 I have the perverse hope that every time someone lands on my weblog with the search terms 'wedding reception' that they will read my rants and realize that holding one of these things at a college or a university is a bad thing no matter how pretty the place is. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:33 PM : How on earth to people manage to write on a Wednesday? Oh right, I remember now. They aren't students and they don't have jobs. They don't have to worry about all these crazy experiments that just makes one bang one's head on the wall over and over again because they're not working. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:12 PM : Tuesday, November 18, 2003 Using the Systems. What if I say that I don't want to be in the system at all? Using a system based on beauty is ridiculous for people who aren't "beautiful" according to current societal norms. I'm no supermodel. I'm not pretty. I can't even act "pretty". So what hope do I have for transforming or manipulating the system in this manner? The answer isn't using the system because at the end of the day, the system will still be there. Is it that hard to think about dismantling the system? Humans are inherently visual creatures and the instinctive urge to give attractive people preference is probably not going to go away any time soon. But is it so wrong not to appear as the cultural ideal of the woman? To be honest, I always get really annoyed at all this pontificating about what people's ideas are about what gender should or should not be. Why can't I just be me and not be defined by my choice in underwear? Maybe someone might pay attention to me when I'm sixty, but by that time, it'll be too late. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:11 PM : Real Commentary Tardiness "So when is he coming to class?" "Probably fifteen minutes after we start. He's always fashionably late." "Well, at least he's always freshly showered when he arrives." Cultural References "I was totally Betty Crocker last weekend. I spent all my time baking cakes and cookies and..." "Man, I was Betty Ford last weekend." On Finding Oneself "So where do you want to travel?" "Three months in Antarctica. I'd like to spend some time down there, relax, and think about what I want to do with my life." [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 2:42 PM : Monday, November 17, 2003 Overdramatics or Sensibility? It's just my luck that I always end up walking behind a person who is a smoker. I try not to breathe, but my body's obsessive need for oxygen overpowers my preferences and I'm treated with a lungful of second hand smoke. I feel like I've been blugeoned by a mugger and I hack and cough and make numerous noises that sound like the dying squeals of a rabbit within the maw of a hungry bobcat. It's a life and death struggle, I tell you. My nose burns and I am sure all the ciliary cells in my airway are dying agonizing deaths. Why? Why?! Perhaps some people think smoking is cool, glamorous, the thing to do (or at least they thought that way when they started), but that's just the thing. I don't understand how they would destroy their own bodies just to be "in". It is, once again, that lemming problem. That's why I have a hard time believing this state is on the top of this list. Maybe it's due to all those fanatical joggers I see about--day, night, sunny, raining, or snowing. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 3:21 PM : Sunday, November 16, 2003 The Fantastic in Art and Fiction. (via Metafilter) Terrific source for inspiration. I think I had posted this link before, but then they had taken the entire site down earlier in the year. Glad they're back up. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 8:49 AM : Unconscious Mutterings
[posted by S. Y. Affolee on 7:31 AM : Saturday, November 15, 2003 The Elegant Universe. It's String Theory for the ignorant masses. Although simplified and devoid of any mathematical proofs, the entire series has great visuals. And they clarified, for me, what a graviton really was. Somewhat. Of course, I can't help being reminded by the other physics educational program called The Mechanical Universe which was put together by one of my undergraduate physics professors. I only saw bits of The Mechanical Universe on television while I was growing up and one very small segment in lecture (it was for historical overview), but between the two programs, I'd have to say that The Elegant Universe, although a potentially more complicated subject is, well, dumber. The average layperson might come away with the impression that we're further along in proving the theories than just atom smashing. What to do if your Mom discovers your blog... Blogger has the answer to a previously linked article. The Pussification of the Western Male. (via, well, a lot of people) I won't begrudge anyone their own opinion, but to me, this essay sounds like a backlash in itself. People are not all literally turning into women as the writer is trying to imply ("Now, men's fashion includes not a man dressed in a three-piece suit, but a tight sweater worn by a man with breasts.") What is meant by being a "male" or a "female"? I think of it as something biological--specifically physiology. Currently, the only way of turning a male into a female is by surgery. And if by chance, males were miraculously and suddenly turning into females, biologists would be having a field day figuring out what exactly is happening. But this isn't about science. The problem is changing cultural and social mores and how people, in groups and individually, are reacting to these changes. Some people are simply more resistant to change. I'm not saying that all change is for the better but I don't think that because one particular change is perceived as "bad" that we have to completely scrap present society and take everything back into the Stone Age. Perhaps the best analogy for the subject is how the meaning of a word in a dictionary changes over time. The word "grin" currently means a smile, but in Old English, "grin" meant an expression of pain or anger. As words changes usage and meaning over time, so does what it means to be "male" or "female". Being male might mean working with power tools and "reading" Playboy magazine today, but in the future it may mean something else entirely. One argument in that essay that was not explicitly stated is that we are "hardwired" to behave a certain way and that we shouldn't try changing that. As a biologist, I do find that the argument does have a sort of appeal--after all, I want to know how the world works. But as a person this goes against what I want to be individually and what we want to be as humanity. We may be hardwired to act and react in certain ways, but I don't want to be limited to that--we have the ability to adapt and change and strive for being more than what we are. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 8:37 AM : Friday, November 14, 2003 So someone I know is getting a wife via the traditional way--horoscope compatibility. Maybe I'm too progressive for my own good, but I think this is way too messed up. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:18 PM : How on earth do some graduate students keep on looking glamorous and chic all the time? Or does this observation say something about me and my lack of need to "dress to impress"? [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 3:16 PM : My pens in lab keep on disappearing. Either there is a pen thief about or, like ingenious lab rats, the pens themselves have escaped. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 9:49 AM : Thursday, November 13, 2003 The Gender Ghetto. (via Alembic) Are women linked less because our voices are different? Are we not as confident when making our assertions and are therefore less quotable? Are we not as aggressive in our opinions, and therefore less interesting?Well, are women less interesting? I think what matters as "interesting" or "not interesting" is actually all in the mind. If we mark someone or something "not interesting," what we are actually doing is changing our focus and placing assumptions on what is "not interesting." What I've noticed is that a majority of female webloggers don't link to anyone at all. Why this is so, I'm not sure. I only know why I don't link to other people often: I prefer creating my own content rather than analyzing others. And perhaps that is why I am not as "interesting" as, say, Instapundit. Do women have to prove themselves in order to get into the elite upper circles of male webloggers? I think people of both genders have to prove themselves. Some people, of course, get lucky or are at the right place at the right time. I do find it a bit disturbing that there are very few well-known female webloggers in comparison to the number of female webloggers overall, but I'm leery about what people should do to "correct" this. Linking to other webloggers only because they're female is just another form of discrimination. But one does wonder, however. I have read little-known bloggers who are geniuses. And then when I look at someone else, I wonder why such a hack ever got famous (and stayed famous). [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 5:07 PM : The Thursday Threesome: Envision whirled peas A sixties flashback: I'm too young to have a sixties flashback. Let's pretend I went back in a time machine. Onesome: Envision-- How much television do you watch each week? Are you one of those who can you call up the nightly program schedules for the major networks (and a cable channel or two) in your head? ...or do you have to search the paper to find out when the Thanksgiving Day parade is? (Hint: It's on a Thursday.) I watch television zero hours a week. This could be because I don't have a television. Twosome: whirled-- Oh, my! That holiday stuff is coming up soon! Are you ready for Thanksgiving? ...or are you going to be whirling around at the last minute? No, I am not ready for Thanksgiving. I'm thinking of treating the Thanksgiving weekend like any other weekend--sleeping in and going to lab for a few critical things that simply can't wait until Monday. Thanksgiving is way too short of a holiday for me to go back home to visit my family so I'm going to be one of the few students still stuck in school. (I've been stuck at school all the other years, so what's another year?) There is, of course, some organized graduate student event for Thanksgiving, but I deleted the e-mail after I read it. Organized graduate student affairs seems too much like organizing a herd of cats. Threesome: peas-- Shine on the healthy stuff; we really don't care if you eat your vegetables (okay, the mom's here on the Porch do I can't say. The traditional food served during Thanksgiving has never seemed particularly original or exciting to me. Maybe with the extra days of the weekend, I'll do some experimental cooking just to relieve the boredom. A Link: Mom Finds Out About Blog. (via Blogdex) My mom knows about my blog although I don't think she reads it. My policy is to not put anything here that I wouldn't talk about face to face with another person. So how about you, does your mom know about your blog? [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:50 AM : Wednesday, November 12, 2003 Strange Elitism Recently, I heard of the existence of a pool table located in the basement of the medical school. I work in one of the labs in the basement of the medical school so this was quite a surprise to me. Apparently, the graduate program partially paid for it so that the graduate students could use it on their time off. But none of the graduate students I know have ever used it because the medical students guard it like overzealous pitbulls. One fellow graduate student said he was warned off when they deridingly told him, "You don't look like a med student." Okay, so most of us take to wearing overwashed t-shirts and jeans and beat-up sneakers instead of freshly pressed shirts and ties and pants as if we're going to a different interview every day. But at least we don't spend four years of our lives doing mindless memorization. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 8:52 PM : Thanks to everyone for the well wishes on my birthday. Unfortunately I didn't see them until now because my network connection went kaput later in the day. (Computing says it's all fixed now...well, we'll see about that.) However, it was tempered by what I thought was the best present ever--it suddenly started snowing in the afternoon without warning. It wasn't the puny dusting of white like October, it was a blizzard without the heavy wind. And to the Chicken: I got your card. Too bad spring doesn't come back until six months from now. I want to put this in my novel although, alas, it will have to wait. A visiting professor who does research on tuberculosis mentioned that there were several animal models that are used in the field. One is mice--which either are infected via inhalation or direct injection into the bloodstream. The great thing about using mice is that their genetics are very well characterized already; the bad thing is that the symptoms in infected mice are totally different than that of humans. Another model that has been used is the guinea pig model which is a bit closer symptomatically to human patients. Unfortunately, guinea pigs are notoriously sensitive--very few bacteria can cause a huge response that kills the animal pretty quickly. The third animal model is the rabbit. Although lesions caused by tuberculosis in rabbits is quite similar to that of humans, once rabbits are infected, the animals themselves become highly infectious agents. The rabbits sneeze causing the bacterium to become airborne. The visiting professor mentioned all of this because of a small story he had. Once he visited a very old doctor who had studied tuberculosis all his life. This old doctor has pretty much every tuberculosis reference under the sun. However, if you wanted to have access to those references, you had to visit his office first which to say the least was a bit creepy. In the doctor's office, an entire collection of preserved lungs from rabbits infected with tuberculosis hangs from the ceiling. The doctor gets quite excited when he shows his collection. "Put your hand on them! Feel them! Notice the texture?" Apparently, some real life people make great candidates for horror novels. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 3:23 PM : Monday, November 10, 2003 The Monkey Hits 23 Birthdays are strange things. When you're younger, it was all a big deal--the cakes, the parties, the presents. It was just the cake for me (as well as an off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday To You" by my family). I never knew what to ask for as a present except for more books which I got the rest of the year anyway. And I hated parties. It was too social for me. (Parties are still too social for me.) The one thing I like about my own birthday is that the date is so easy to remember. It's just the same number over again. And it's a holiday (although no one gets off from work). No offense to other people, but I could not for the life of me ever remember something as random as June 24 or April 17. However, that is also the bad thing. I don't like having people making a big hoopla over it (or maybe I was traumatized by that sixth-grade kissy teacher) so I rarely give my birthday out. If people ask, I only give it out grudgingly. As for age, I don't feel any different being a year older. I don't think anyone does no matter how big the celebration is. However, I do feel as if I'm getting myself further entrenched in that convoluted grown-up land where anyone over eighteen to a six-year-old is, well, really, really old. Not that there's anything wrong about being really, really old--in fact, being really, really old probably has some perks. Like people assuming that you actually know something because you're really, really old. Like people letting you get away with outrageous stuff because you're really, really old. Like saying your mind and not giving a crap what other people think because you're really, really old and figure it's counterproductive to dwell on personal criticism. I think we can all learn from people older than ourselves. (With the exception of those people who just take off from all their responsibilities to "find themselves." I simply don't get this. But I will leave this rant for another time.) Anyways, there are a lot of things which I had hoped I would get accomplished before I reached this age but failed like publishing fiction before I turned twenty. Perhaps this was the product of being young and thinking that I would be able to do anything in the world even though some people doubted I had any intelligence because I never said anything. Maybe if I'm persistent, I might be able to belatedly complete those goals before I'm thirty. Or am I being too optimistic? [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 9:39 PM : Just A Small Safety Note Do not become lax in your safety procedures even if you've been working in the lab for X amount of years. Someone I know had liquid nitrogen explode on her while she was working. She was not wearing safety goggles so now she has seven stitches on her cornea. She will probably never see normally again. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 5:51 PM : And Back Again In annual tradition, a complaint: My lab time today and tomorrow will be shot to hell because of mumble, mumble, mumble. Names omitted to protect the innocent as well as the not-so-innocent. Two years ago today, I officially started a weblog. The original intent was to rant and complain, but so far it hasn't been all that. I'm glad about that as well as the fact that I haven't (so far) made internet gaffes so major as to cause thousands of former readers to hate my guts. I haven't had thousands of readers the entire time I've been online either so I guess it would be impossible to do that even if I did do something terribly offensive. Two years ago today, I could not even imagine that I would be where I am today. In fact, two years ago, I was probably not thinking very much at all. Most of the day, I had been stuck in an anonymous UCLA auditorium taking one of those hideous standardized tests. But one thing is still the same--I still have transportation problems. Even getting to UCLA required extensive planning and cajoling. Two years ago today, I was also in the midst of writing a novel. For some reason, it felt a lot more fun then than now. What's the same is that no one around cares at all that I'm writing, but I think back then I found it easier to brush the lack of support away because the whole concept of writing a novel in a month was new to me. This year it's not so new and I'm trying to avoid comparing myself to people who have completely missed the point and finished the novel in a week. Unfortunately, that's not happening--it's like watching a car wreck. Two years ago today, I was living with a roommate who slept during the day and studied during the night. She left the light on all the time--even when I was trying to sleep. One year ago, I had housemates who had friends who would constantly call, particularly past midnight. This year, well, my housemates are certainly better, but I am seriously considering disconnecting the phone after one of them recently got a boyfriend. Two years ago today, my weblog template looked like this. I was inspired by this weblogger's background design at the time. I thought it looked very retro. But my rendition looked very ugly and I am no graphic designer. Two years ago, I had a funky lava lamp and a stuffed monkey sitting on my desk. Today, my desk is utilitarian to the extreme. One should hope that I haven't turned into a cranky old woman already. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:51 AM : Sunday, November 09, 2003 I'm in the laundry room right now. Which means two things--I'm on my laptop and this place is wired. That's a good thing. I can write my novel while I wait for my laundry to chug and spin and dry. The bad thing is I just came in after a guy. And you know what guys do--they wait until they have to do the laundry. He's taken all the washers and dryers except for one of each. Unconscious Mutterings
[posted by S. Y. Affolee on 6:18 AM : Saturday, November 08, 2003 On Searches Sometimes I get searches that include the names (or aliases) of people on my blogroll with disturbing queries. It makes one wonder if everyone I read daily has a darker life they might have online but don't include on their own weblogs. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 7:33 PM : If this article is applicable to humans, than my previous rumination that advertising is conditioning males to appreciate computer-altered women in trashy magazines rather than normal women may not be entirely wrong. Edit: On the other hand, I do not view myself like a lemming. I should hope that because all the girls find one guy "cute" that I do not fall into the trap of doing what everyone is doing. I value my independent mind, goshdarnit. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 10:25 AM : Everything becomes convoluted. In the first two days of Nano there were people who wrote almost a million words. And soon afterwards, there were a horde of people already with 50,000. I am a skeptical person, so I simply assume that these people "cheated"--as in putting word counts from previous work they've done or writing one word over and over 50,000 times, or as one person admitted somewhere, just to enter a high word count so they'll feel better. Of course, afterwards, the people with 50,000 and over defended themselves by saying that they normally write that much in a day or that they planned really well or that they're professional writers with nothing else to do. I hate it when people tell piddlers like myself that I have no discipline. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 9:34 AM : Counterintuitive I read on a forum that "high school is some of the best years of your life." If that is true, kill me now. I've heard stories of old professors marrying their young graduate students and then having three kids afterwards. I know logistically if people "fall in love" it doesn't matter what the age is. But nonetheless, I find it a tad too creepy. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 7:41 AM : Friday, November 07, 2003 A Technical Sidenote I feel a lot happier now that I know that the recent experiments that have been going badly is not due my cell culture technique. After checking the human cell lines I've been working with for mycoplasma contamination, I breathed a sigh of relief that they're not infected. If they were infected, I would have to throw everything out. Since that's been sorted out, it must be something in the protocols I'm using. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:01 PM : Another Overheard Conversation A mother told the father that she was worried about their son. He was stressing out over college applications because he felt he would let his father down if he didn't apply to a university with a "big" name. Somehow, this reminded me of my cousins' situation where they only applied to colleges in-state because their parents wanted them close by (so, of course, they could drop in every weekend to check on them). When I was applying to various schools for undergraduate and then graduate work (and this will probably be somewhat applicable when I start thinking about where I want to do a post-doc a couple years from now), my parents always told me, "Why not go to a good school? If you can go, go. Distance and money is not as important. We'll figure something out." I admit, I was biased in picking which schools I applied to--probably the overwhelming bias was distance away from a place I didn't want to be. That is, for undergrad, I applied to anywhere away from home. For grad, I applied to anywhere away from the south or the west coast. Maybe that's not an entirely rational reason for the initial answer I got from the question, "Where do I want to go?" but there it is. And I'm curious. Exactly how many parents tell their children that it's a better idea to go far away? When I was first applying to colleges in my senior year in high school, my dad was really excited about the idea of me going overseas. In his mind, going far away meant that I would learn how to be independent. "You can go to Germany!" he told me. "But I don't know any German." "You can learn it in six months." I was, of course, skeptical. I'm not good at languages. However, I did go so far as to request a catalogue of German universities and looked at all the ones that offered courses in the biological sciences. But after a while, I just left that catalogue to collect dust along with all the unsolicited brochures I got from obscure women's colleges. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:52 AM : Thursday, November 06, 2003 The Thursday Threesome Onesome: Keep- What’s your favourite keepsake? Do you have something that has so much sentiment attached you’ll keep it forever? Tell us! I don't know if this makes me a bad person, but I'm not very sentimental. If everything I own goes up in smoke, I'd be very angry and annoyed, but I'll be able to replace things. I don't get emotional from things. As for the memories associated with particular objects, yes, but I feel very compartamentalized in this respect. I keep memories separate from things. Should I be sentimental about objects? Does it make me not human that I can't be sentimental about a "keepsake"? Am I just a little less materialistic than some people or is it so far that no one has really given me anything important? Oh, I'm also one of those people who walk past a store with little trinkets and roll my eyes with exasperation. Please don't hurt me. Twosome: The Back Porch- We’re named for Deb’s back porch, a place where people go to relax and wind down. Where’s your relax and unwind spot? I'm relaxed when I'm sleeping. Which means I'm usually not relaxed. Threesome: Donate! Got a cause you donate to regularly? Well, I donated to Nanowrimo but that's because I figured I was a major cause of their bandwidth. Otherwise, I'm a graduate student with limited means. Please don't hurt me because I don't throw money away. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:16 AM : Wednesday, November 05, 2003 After eavesdropping and overhearing and lurking, I've realized something. I have no life. Okay, okay, that's not new, but I think the fact that I have no life is driving me slowly bonkers. I think this will be solved if I am able to get out of this small college town for an entire weekend. This, however, requires transportation and that is few and far between out here in the boondocks. I am reluctant in spending a fortune in getting even half-an-hour away from here. And there is no chance that I will decide to befriend a girlfriend-desperate guy just to get at his car. I have my limits. But one wonders what life was like back in the day when people never traveled outside of their hometowns. I think if I lived back then, I would have gone slowly crazy. If I had unlimited resources, I'd go traveling everywhere. I have a serious case of wanderlust that is starved at long intervals. Some people wonder why I never stayed in California since the weather there is a lot nicer than the East Coast. Well, there can be too much of a nice thing. I just never mention my wanderlust because some people will never understand it. One thing is for sure though, after my stint here as a grad student, I'll be packing my bags off to a place I haven't yet been to. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 6:12 PM : Tuesday, November 04, 2003 Grumbling These days, when I say I'm writing a report for a class, it's not a book report or a review or anything where I'm regurgitating information. No, these "reports" are practice grant proposals where you have to tie in the research with benefiting humankind. That is, if you're not working to cure some disease, people will be a lot less willing to give you money. What happened to doing science just for the sake of doing science? [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 5:26 AM : I really don't like this week. I wish it were next week and not this week. Stuff: Digital Sand. I like watching the stuff go up instead of down. Guide to Common Home Laundering & Drycleaning Symbols. I never pay attention to these. The End of the World. HAHAHAHAHAHA! (warning: crazy flash file) Sandlot Science. Lots of optical illusions. The Economics of Suicide. "Why trying to kill yourself may be a smart business decision." I'm quite disturbed by this: Why should suicide be an economic boon? Once you attempt suicide you suddenly have access to lots of resources—medical care, psychiatric attention, familial love and concern—that were previously expensive or unavailable. Doubters may ask why the depressed don't seek out resources earlier. But studies have demonstrated that psychological and familial resources become "cheaper" after a suicide attempt: It is difficult to find free medical care when you are sad, but once you try to kill yourself, it's forced on you. It's sort of like trying to do something too late. Why don't people get care and attention before all this happens? I think what really gets me is the "familial love and concern"--one would think this would be available no matter the condition. If that's only available after you attempt a suicide, I would only think it false, a way to retain face after someone has tried to do something socially unacceptable. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 4:52 AM : Sunday, November 02, 2003 The most recent dream I had was really weird in that in every scene I was jumping through different times and locations. The only thing that was in common in each of them were angry mobs of people. Unconscious Mutterings
[posted by S. Y. Affolee on 6:54 AM : Saturday, November 01, 2003 Note to self: Do not read other people's NaNoWriMo webpages. The fact that they have groupies hanging on to their every word (whereas I don't) is depressing. [posted by S. Y. Affolee on 2:24 PM : |
